Helping Children Transition When You PCS
Like it or not, moving is a part of military life. I grew up in the military and was in the Air Force after college. I was an old pro at moving by the time I was in high school. Every time we moved, it meant new opportunities and adventures. But it also meant leaving my established routines and friends and starting all over again. I didn’t realize it until I became a parent, but my parents did an incredible job every time we moved to make sure my sister and I did not get lost in the shuffle. In spite of all the transitions, I always felt like home was where my parents were. That being said, there were some rough patches. My sister gave my parents the silent treatment for months when we had to PCS halfway through one of her favorite high school years. And I broke down into an uncontrollable pile of tears for an entire day when we had to give away my favorite plant (in the coolest macramé plant hanger my mom made) when we moved overseas. There will be some rough patches, but there are some things you can do to help your children handle the military moving transition.
1) Respect that they are members of the family and include them on the news as soon as you know you are moving.
2) Talk about the move as a family and problem solve together. It can help strengthen your relationship as a family at a time when you will really need to rely upon one another.
3) Give your kids age-appropriate guidelines and timelines for packing, moving and unpacking. Simply setting expectations of how this whole thing will go can help eliminate some anxiety.
4) Let them participate in packing and unpacking. Know ahead of time that kids can get attached to things you do not think are important, especially when moving. If your son does not want you to give away those old shoes that are two sizes too small, let him keep them.
5) Include them on decisions, when appropriate and possible. My parents let me pick out the coolest red shag carpet for my new room when we took an assignment overseas. To this day, I appreciate how that helped me feel like I had my own space and that they respected my opinions.
6) Be positive about the move. Whether you are thrilled or not, how you approach the move will have an impact on your children. We lived in some fantastic and not-so-fantastic places. My parents always made the best of it.
7) Let them see your emotions, so they know it is okay to be sad. It is hard to move, whether you are excited about the assignment or not. Feeling sadness about leaving your friends and routines is completely normal for everyone. Talk about it as a family and individually with your kids. And model behavior of openness, so your kids will know it is okay to come to you when they are sad.
8) Set aside time to spend time together and do the things you normally do, in spite of how busy you are. If you usually have game night every Thursday, keep doing that while you pack and when you get to your new assignment or on the way there.
9) Discuss the location of the new assignment and do research together to discover new things you can do there. Share pictures of the new house or community to take some mystery out of the new place.
10) Help them compile a list of contact information for all their friends, so they can keep in touch.
11) Let them help you pick out the things you will take with you for the trip. Pack activities, books and their favorite toy. Get out the map and talk about how long the trip will take and how you plan to get there.
12) Have a plan for moving day. Have snacks and activities to keep your kids entertained. You can also give each child a special job on moving day.
13) Know that every child shows emotion differently. Give your kids a supportive environment, but give them space to work through things in their own way and in their own time.
14) Lastly, remember to let kids be kids. It is easy to get tunnel vision when things are hectic and chaotic as you pack and unpack. Let your kids run, jump, play, giggle and make new friends. You can even join them.
1-800-PACK-RAT is a moving and portable storage company that has proudly helped families with their military moving and storage needs between deployments, when they PCS and when they retire and separate from the military.
Call one of PACK-RAT’s Military Moving Specialists at 1-800-MLT-PACK or visit http://partners.1800packrat.com/militarymoves for more information.
