My Love of Food vs. My Waistline

It's no secret. I love food. I love shopping for food, I love creating with that food, I love eating the food. It goes one step further, I love looking at food, reading recipes, and I love talking about food. I love when people ask what foods I don't like. I can never come up with an answer. I seriously love food.

I always have the best intentions to eat well, but lately...it goes right out the window.

Let's start at the beginning. I used to be FAT. I'm 5'1, I weighed 180 pounds. I did not like how I looked or how I felt.

Summer 2006 I decided I had to lose weight. I did Slim Fast religiously. I followed the system to the letter on their website. Me and Mom did it together, having someone who wants to eat the same healthy meals was such a HUGE help. I believe within the year, I lost 50lbs. I felt amazing and I thought I looked great. By summer 2007 I was so happy with my body. I believe I was around 130lbs in this picture.

I was around 130lbs throughout college, but still wanted to lose that last five pounds. Last year before I moved I was at my thinnest, around 127lbs. I was still having atleast one Slim Fast shake or bar a day, working nonstop and working out in the morning. I believe this is when I looked and felt my best. Even though my Dad will argue that I was too skinny.

Since I have moved, got married, and apparently got too lazy to workout...my weight has been fluctuating by 6lbs. Yes, I know 6lbs is not a lot. But, I believe, once a fat girl...you are always a fat girl. You worry that you look fat all the time, you fear that you will get back to that weight, and that every calorie will make or break you.

This summer has killed my waistline and self confidence. To the point where someone invited us to the beach yesterday and I had visions of a beached whale on the shore. I know I'm not fat, I just don't like how I feel about the way I look. And yes, I know I've blogged about this before!

This is the most recent picture, I could pick it apart, but I'm sure you don't want to hear how hard I am on myself. I weigh 132lbs right now.

I want to get back to the day where I would order a water instead of a beer, the salad instead of the cheese covered nachos, and would workout almost everyday.  I did it once, I can do it again. But what's harder this time? I make excuses. "Oh, we're going away this weekend...calories don't count on vacations." "Mmmm sure, I could go for a beer." IT.NEEDS.TO.STOP!

My goal? To look and feel hot at the USMC Ball on November 6th. That's a little over 11 weeks away. Lucky readers, you can look forward to reading about my weight loss and working out adventures every Monday for the next 11 weeks!

Any tips? Helpful advice? Please share!

Fail.

Do you remember yesterday when I blogged about getting in shape? Yesterday was great! We had some awesome Dijon grilled pork chops for dinner and I felt good all day. We even went for a jog on the beach with the puppy. And I felt good in my bathing suit.

I was doing so good today...until I opened the fridge and spotted the cheese. That was around the same time I started craving tacos. Really? Who craves tacos at 3:00 in the afternoon. Well, since 3:00 is snack time and not meal time...I made myself some nachos (you know, just a handful of tortilla chips.) Do you put bleu cheese on nachos? Apparently I do! And man-oh-man they were good.

Then, as I was shoving cheesy nachos in my mouth, I remembered my post. I felt so guilty. I felt so fat. But you know what? I kept eating. And thinking about what I was going to make for dinner (my famous buffalo chicken mac and cheese!) And kept saying to myself, "I'll start doing better tomorrow."

This my friends, is exactly what I was talking about yesterday. This is a daily problem for me. I could have chosen anything else, a yogurt, celery and peanut butter, pretzels....anything else would have been healthier than bleu cheese and cheddar nachos!

Today is Wednesday. It's grocery day for us. My list is full of healthy choices, lots of fruits and veggies, healthy & satisfying meals. I will do better. I will do better. I will do better.

For the record...I'm still making the mac and cheese for dinner...

Get in Shape Challenge

I am challenging myself to get back in shape. I have slipped off, fallen and tumbled off of the healthy bandwagon. And it's killing me. A year ago I was happy with my body. Today, I feel like a tub of lard waddling around. My problem? Obsessiveness. I worry too much about what the scale says and not enough about what my body craves and needs. I step on the scale every morning. It needs to stop. I need to start eating right, working out and sticking to a lifestyle plan. Not a diet. (Don't judge, I know I'm not fat, I don't like the way I feel though.)

Here are my stats as of June 14, 2010.
Height: 5 feet 2 inches
Weight: 133.6
Goal Weight: 125

BMI: 24.5 (normal)
Total Body Fat Percentage: 18.6%

Waist at Navel: 29 inches
Hip at Widest Point: 38 inches
Thigh: 22 inches
Upper Arm: 11 inches
Calf: 14 inches

Now, I wanted to post pictures to show how I looked last year compared to what I look like now. And, well, when the pictures are next to each other I think I look exactly the same. But the way I have been eating makes me feel gross. So, my goal is to not lose weight...it is to eat better and feel better about myself!

Tonight..jogging on the beach with hubby and Miley!