RIP, Gregg, Dear...

Gregg and his wife, Jamie

Yesterday was my brother's 5th anniversary.  He died from melanoma cancer August 6, 2005. 

Gregg and I were best friends from the time we were children.  He was held back a grade in 1st grade (before dyslexia was given a term...yes, I have it, too), so we went through our remaining school years together in the same grade. We look so much alike and were inseparable, everyone thought we were twins.  We played the game and made most everyone believe it.  Sure, we went through a phase when he was 11 and I was 10 that made us hate each other, but by the time I hit 13, we were best friends again.  Gregg left New York in the mid 90's to move to Florida.  We didn't get to see much of each other after that, but we were on the phone all the time!

Gregg, me and Bob when we were little, prolly 1970

So, I spent my day in the studio sewing skirts and cranking bands we used to listed to together:  Suicidal Tendencies, Led Zeppelin, Smashing Pumpkins, Metallica....the house was filled with sounds of memories of Gregg.  He played bass guitar for a band for over 10 years and I kept imagining him standing in the studio....air-bassing!

After he passed, I got tattoo for him on my left shoulder.  It's an ankh with lotus flowers coming out of the arms, above that a cartouche with his name written in hieroglyphics and an Eye of Horus over that.  On either side of the tattoo is his birth year and death year:  66 - 05.  I'll have to post a pic one of these days.

 Gregg with his bass

Gregg opted to be cremated - half his ashes in the Gulf of Mexico and the other half buried up here in NY. One of the songs we used to listen to was Heaven by Suicidal Tendencies, so I wrote the lyrics down and put them on his box along with a couple David Austin roses from my garden when we buried him.  Read them....little did I know the foreshadowing of these lyrics:

I'm so excited today I'm gonna die
But I'm going to heaven so there's no reason to cry
God says he loves me and I love him too
Yes I have struggled, but but now suffering's through

I don't want you to cry
I just wanna say
I'm so excited today I'm gonna die
But I'll live forever so it's not really goodbye
God has a plan for me and a plan for you

So there's no reason to cry
There's no reason to cry
Cause I'm going to heaven
I'm going to heaven
Yes I'm going to heaven
I'm going to heaven

Over head such a shinning light
As playful angels hover in flight
In the blindingly brilliant pure white
A sensation so peacefully
My soul rises separates from my body
The pearly gates I can now clearly see
I've gone to heaven
Hallelujah
I'm so excited again I'll never die
I'm up heaven so there's no reason to cry

It was very difficult the first year, but things get easier and easier.  Now, when his anniversary rolls around, I don't get sad anymore.  I celebrate the time I had with him.  I will always miss him, but am convinced that he is always with me, even though he is not here.