First of all, I would like to thank Nicole, because she's awesome. She was also my first blog love, and part of the reason I started blogging at Hope Floats.
Have you ever gone through something that, even as it's happening, you think "this is totally going to change who I am?" I'm sure every one of you have experienced at least one of those moments, whether or not you knew it at the time. The first one that I can remember was when I was five and a half years old. I can still remember the moment vividly in my head. I don't know what I was wearing or the time of night, but I remember every single emotion of it vividly. It was the night my parents told me that my dad was leaving.
As a five year old, the only thing you can really comprehend is that your dad is leaving you. You could never understand the why, or the fact that it could have been (and most definitely was) the best decision your parents ever made, and they were doing it for you. I couldn't breathe. I thought it was my fault that my dad had to go, and I thought he would never come back. As he was bringing his garbage bags full of clothes to the door, I went running upstairs and grabbed one of my most prized possessions, a Barbie keychain. She was in a pink dress and hugging a panda bear. I gave it to my dad so he wouldn't forget me after he was gone. He said "Allissa, don't worry, I could never forget you and I'm going to see you all the time." But I told him to take it, just in case.
Watching him go, as my mom was crying was one of the most painful experiences of my life. For a long time, I wasn't okay with it. I always thought it was somehow my fault. As an adult now, and my parents having been divorced for 16 years, I can say that I do know why they separated, and it did change my opinion of my father, but I know there was a greater reason behind it. I have gained so much through the divorce. My parents were amazing. They never argued in front of us, and put my brother's and my needs before theirs. I also gained an amazing stepmother, and three half brothers who I love more than my own life, as well as a wonderful stepdad and two stepsisters. I have a huge, amazing, dysfunctional weird family, with four branches instead of two, but I wouldn't go back for even a second.
I know, without a shadow of a doubt that this was one of the greater defining moments in my life. I also can say that it tested my faith, a lot. I struggled with the "why me" questions, and was jealous of people who had both parents at the same time, but what I failed to realize was that God had blessed me with four parents, who loved me and my brothers and sisters more than anything. Now that I'm older, I realize I would not have been given a challenge we couldn't handle, and I am thankful to have been given so much to be thankful for.
My dad still has the keychain, by the way. And he kept his promise. He lives 5 minutes down the road, and we see him all the time.
